The tiny humans woke me up before six this morning. I stumbled out of my room listening to two of them fight over who knows what. My eight year old having a full blown meltdown because he can’t find his backpack even though we had over two hours before we needed to be out the door. My nerves were already shot.
The overwhelming anxiety set in. This tiny army my husband and I created never listen. I couldn’t get a word in between the whining and screaming, so I yelled and yelled some more. “Sit down!” “Get your hand off your brother’s but!” “M, we will find your backpack, calm down!” “Eat your damn breakfast and stop pulling your brothers hair!”
Mornings are always hard.
We got out the door, I dropped them at school and went to the gas station with the tiniest human to grab a few things. The car didn’t start. I broke down and cried.
Ok just breathe I told myself. I stepped out of the car and took a breather. As I was standing there smoking, a man approached and asked if I knew what was wrong with the car. He took a look under the hood, and told me to start it again. It still didn’t turn over. So we sat there chatting and smoking together. He offered me his old van that just needs an alternator and wouldn’t charge anything for the van, and was planning on donating it to charity otherwise. I said I’d talk it over with my husband and thanked him for his kindness. The car started when I tried it again and we came home.
Days like today put things in perspective. It’s just one day, around 17 hours or more that we are conscious, to choose how we react to situations. These days test your limits, push you to the brink of insanity before showing you there is some good that comes out of all the crap.
It’s hard for me to remember this, that it’s just one day. It’s hard not to be overwhelmed with my crippling anxiety, and hard not to spiral into a depression that I’ve been battling for years. I need to remind myself to breathe and remember that it will be ok. To keep moving forward, and do my best for my family and myself one day at a time.